Watching a child struggle can be hard.
Whether they’re trying to put on a shoe, fit a puzzle piece, open a stubborn snack container, or work through a disagreement with a friend, our instinct is often to jump in and help. We want to make things easier. We want to prevent frustration. We want to see them succeed.
But sometimes the most powerful support we can offer is a pause.
Today, try waiting just 10 seconds before stepping in.
Those few extra moments give children the opportunity to think, experiment, problem-solve, and discover what they’re capable of doing on their own.
Why It Matters
When children encounter challenges, they’re learning much more than the task in front of them.
They’re learning what it feels like to face something difficult and keep going. They’re learning how to manage frustration, try a new strategy, and work through uncertainty. They’re discovering that mistakes are a natural part of learning rather than something to avoid.
These experiences help build confidence, resilience, problem-solving skills, emotional regulation, and perseverance. Most importantly, children begin to develop trust in themselves and their ability to handle challenges.
Our response matters.
When we immediately solve a problem for a child, we may help them complete the task. When we give them time, encouragement, and support, we help them build skills that will serve them far beyond childhood.
Try It
The next time a child is struggling, pause before offering a solution.
You might say:
- “I see you’re working hard on that.”
- “What could you try next?”
- “Take your time. I’m right here if you need me.”
Then wait.
You may be surprised by what happens when children are given a little extra time to think, try, and try again.
What to Notice
As you practice pausing, pay attention to what happens next.
Does your child try a different strategy? Ask a friend for help? Take a deep breath and try again? Do they solve the problem in a way you hadn’t expected?
These moments can tell us so much about how children learn and grow.
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is giving children the opportunity to work through challenges and experience the pride that comes from solving a problem on their own.
The Family Connection
One of the most meaningful things we can share with families isn’t just what a child accomplished, but how they accomplished it.
You might say:
“Today your child worked through a challenge that felt difficult at first. Instead of giving up, they kept trying and found a solution.”
When children experience success after effort, they develop confidence, resilience, and a willingness to take on new challenges. Over time, these experiences help foster a growth mindset—the understanding that abilities grow through practice, persistence, and learning.
Take It Home
The next time your child encounters a challenge at home, try offering encouragement before offering help.
Phrases like:
- “I can see you’re working hard.”
- “What could you try next?”
- “I’m right here if you need me.”
can support independence while reminding children that they are not alone.
Sometimes a little encouragement is all children need to discover they are capable of more than they realize.
Support Strategy Spotlight
Visual Problem-Solving Supports
Every child approaches challenges differently.
While some children benefit from a little extra time, others may need additional support to work through challenges independently. Visual supports can be a powerful tool for helping children understand what comes next while still allowing them to take ownership of the process.
Picture sequences for routines like putting on shoes, washing hands, cleaning up, or getting dressed can reduce frustration and increase independence. By making expectations clear and predictable, visual supports help children feel confident enough to take action on their own.
The goal isn’t to remove the challenge. It’s to provide just enough support so children can experience the success of figuring it out themselves.
Sometimes growth happens when we help.
Other times, growth happens when we pause.